Oz Blog Part 1

I was going to write a preview on what 2010 may have in store for me but i think I will just get straight into what is going in my life right now.

You may have seen from my review on 2009 post that I talked a bit about my girlfriend (I mean ex-girlfriend). There is one sentence in that blog which stands out to me and it's "There is no doubt about it, I will miss her". I honestly didn't have any idea to what degree those words would mean. I miss her alot. I think I was in denial for alot of the time throughout the relationship that it was going to end, i always knew that it was going to happen but I don't think i actually know what it would mean for me. She actually tried to explain this all to me but I was pretty ignorant to her explanations, I thought at the time that everything was going to work out. Its actually so fucked up and ironic how I am in a very similar position to where I was about a year ago. This time last year I still wasn't "over" my ex girlfriend at the time, and now the whole situation has repeated itself. We broke up the day i left, but we still decided at the time to remain friends and to keep in contact etc. It was only after a few days that she decided that she couldn't take the pretence anymore and that it would be better if she just cut me out of her life all together....sound familiar eh?

Its been about 10 days or so since that happened and I have been getting pretty upset about the whole situation recently. I'm at the stage now where I'm going over every part of the relationship with a fine tooth comb, analysing and examining every little detail, deciding to myself where i could of been a better boyfriend etc. These such situations where I could have been better are increasing and I'm finding it more difficult to cope with it. When she told me not to contact her again, it sounded like she actually hated me. How the fuck has that happened ? I keep asking myself that question. There are times where i just feel like flying home and suprising her at her front door, just to see that beautiful face of hers again.

I really want to respect her wishes with regards to me not contacting her, but there is nothing I would prefer to do at this moment than to speak to her again, she deleted me off her friend list on facebook which i suppose is a significant sign of her determination not to speak to me. I still have her email address and I may send her an email over the coming days. I really want to know how she is getting on.

ANYWAY, enough of that, I made it to Australia and I am absolutely loving it here, it is very easy to see why people emigrate from Ireland to Australia and never return. The culture that they have here is very laid back from what I have seen. Noone is in a rush and people here are extremely friendly. The weather has been pretty good for the past 2 weeks, it has mostly been sunny and hot with the odd rain shower here and there. Today is the last day of summer which is fine by me because i would actually prefer it to get a few degrees cooler. For the past 2 weeks I have been basically making new friends and partying alot, which is fine by me. I have spent a ridiculous amount of money in the past 2 weeks so my current lifestyle may have to change a bit! I begin lectures tomorrow morning and I have no idea what to expect, it should be interesting to say the least. There are one or two moments where i do get a bit down mainly to the reason i explained at the beginning of this post and also due to the fact that I am out of my comfort zone, its quite difficult to get some privacy in the accomodation which I live in but I'm sure i will grow used to that eventually.

Also, i failed one of my christmas exams, believe it or not, it wasn't chemistry, it was some stupid assignment i completed in December which was worth 100% of the module, however I will more than likely be able to compensate it if i pass all my exams here in UOW so hopefully I will have a summer that is free of repeat exams!

I went to Mardi Gras in Sydney last night, it was absolutely awesome. However it is not the traditional American Mardi Gras that you would find in New Orleans, it is basically a gay pride parade. I have pictures up on my facebook if any of you want to see them. I got to see my cousin yesterday too which was awesome, it was great to catch up. I still haven't seen my brother yet but he is planning to come up the weekend after next so hopefully that will happen!

I can't think of much else to say at the moment, i got a good feeling that I will keep this "Oz Blog" up to date.

Hope everyone is well.

Sean

P.S The picture attached is a view of Wollongong which is the city where I am living :)

2009: Year in Review

I've been meaning to write this blog post for a few weeks now. I thought it would be a good idea to look back on 2009 from a personal point of view and to be able to analyse it completely. I think it will be quite interesting to read the posts that i wrote throughout 2009 and then to be able to read this review to see how those events affected me or potentially change me in any way.

Here goes....

I suppose the beginning of the year was quite a busy one, finishing up working in River Island, exams looming and then the hiccup that occured between one the closest groups of friends. I will try to analyse each of these seperately.

First of all, I enjoyed working in River Island even if I complained about it alot, it gave me a sense of accomplishment that I was earning my own money and not relying on a particular individual. I was quite dissapointed not to be kept on but I suppose it was a blessing in disguise considering the exams I had to sit and how busy I was with college in the coming months.

With regards to those exams I sat in January, I failed one marginally and was quite upset at the time because the thought of doing another repeat in the Summer was unbearable. However at the time I soon found out that if I passed all of my summer exams then I would be able to pass the failed exam on compensation, a glimmer of hope you could call it.

Looking back on the incident between my friends which is documented in the post "Hate to be the bearer of bad news", I'm quite happy to say that my relationship between the people involved is alot better than I forecasted at the time when the whole incident occured. It has come to my knowledge that some of the information in that post is incorrect, however, I don't think I will change it because it will take away from the emotions I was feeling at the time and I feel that it is important to be able to look back and see how I was feeling accurately. Like I said, right now, things are pretty good with those friends, well my relationship is anyway, I've regained trust in my best friend and I have forgiven him for what he did to me and my other friend. My two friend's (males) relationship with each other may never be the same again but luckily enough that doesn't affect me too much.

I suppose the next major thing that happened in that year was organising my summer trip to NewYork, it was definetly something to look forward too. I was quite excited about it and it was good to have something like that when college was so stressful. Anyway, the trip didn't last as long as I would of hoped due to me having to come home to repeat 2 exams (the one i failed at xmas and the other in may). I feel that trip helped me accomplish a number of personal goals which included getting over my ex (which I am glad to say is completely and utterly in the past), finding out if I could go to a foreign country and major city for a sustained period of time and be able to live and work comfortably. Overall it gave me the confidence that I could travel anywhere and be happy.

I came home in July and quickly immersed myself into studying for my repeats which had alot riding on them, especially my study abroad programme to Australia. Luckily enough I passed them both. 3rd year in college has been quite difficult and a huge step up from my previous years. Im glad to say that I perhaps I have finally overcome my constant procastination with regards to college work. There has been so much continious assessment, lab reports and assignments to be done every week this Semester. I feel this constant college work is giving me more confidence to apply the same attitude to studying for exams. I currently have 3 exams which begin on the 20th of January, I plan to study every single day and hopefully it will be enough to pass them comfortably.

Last but not least, I have a girlfriend!

I first met this person on the day i came back from New York. Her best friend from college is my best friends girlfriend. So she was spending time with her best friend for a few days during the summer. I noticed her straight away, and was quite impressed with her, even if we only had a brief conversation that day. However, she was currently in a relationship at the time so there was no chance there at the time. We encountered each other once again during the summer on a drunken venture to the seaside town of Lahinch. The night basically involved alot of vodka, embarrasing confessions and skinny dipping. Quite fun to say the least. Anyway after night I was quite obsessed with her and couldn't get her out of my head. However she was still in the same relationship at the time. My best friend's girlfriend did tell me that she though I was good looking and that her relationship with her then current boyfriend wasn't the best. This gave me a sense of hope and excitement. Anyway, at the beginning of Semester 1, she broke up with her boyfriend and we decided to go on a "date", however it was simply masked as an excuse to give her cardigan back after she went to a house party in my house, I saw through the plan straight away! Anyway, the date went well, even if i did become a bumbling fool, there was an awkward kiss at the end of the night and through the coming weeks we spent more time with each other.

Quite soon after that we decided that we should go out with each other even though we both knew that I was going to Australia for 6 months in Febuary. It just felt like the right thing to do at the time, and im so glad to this day that we decided to go out with each other. It has been a pretty amazing few months, it will be 3 months together by the time 20th of January rolls around. She is beautiful, intelligent, caring and has an incredible sense of humour. We mutually decided that we would break up before I leave to Australia, ideally its not the situation we both want to find each other in but I honestly believe it is the fairest thing to do for both of us. We havent made any promises about what is going to happen when I get back. Which again, I think is the fairest thing to do. Anything could happen when I come back, we could get back together, or we could not. However I feel one of my ethos is "If its meant to be its meant to be", it does seem to be a cliché of sorts but I believe it to be true. Alot can happen in 6 months but very little could occur also, so it will be interesting to see what happens when I come back. Overall, I am so glad i met this girl, she has made my life so much better in the past few months and it is great to have someone who cares so much about me and to have someone to care about. There is no doubt about it, I will miss her when I leave.

In conclusion, this year has been a year of ups and downs. Though, it has been a huge improvement on 2008, I feel that I am a stronger and happier person after 2009 and I hope this trend continues in 2010. I will be writing a preview on 2010 soon.

Hope everyone had a great Christmas and I would like to wish everyone (if anyone) a happy new year for 2010.

Goodnight.