Oz Blog Part 1

I was going to write a preview on what 2010 may have in store for me but i think I will just get straight into what is going in my life right now.

You may have seen from my review on 2009 post that I talked a bit about my girlfriend (I mean ex-girlfriend). There is one sentence in that blog which stands out to me and it's "There is no doubt about it, I will miss her". I honestly didn't have any idea to what degree those words would mean. I miss her alot. I think I was in denial for alot of the time throughout the relationship that it was going to end, i always knew that it was going to happen but I don't think i actually know what it would mean for me. She actually tried to explain this all to me but I was pretty ignorant to her explanations, I thought at the time that everything was going to work out. Its actually so fucked up and ironic how I am in a very similar position to where I was about a year ago. This time last year I still wasn't "over" my ex girlfriend at the time, and now the whole situation has repeated itself. We broke up the day i left, but we still decided at the time to remain friends and to keep in contact etc. It was only after a few days that she decided that she couldn't take the pretence anymore and that it would be better if she just cut me out of her life all together....sound familiar eh?

Its been about 10 days or so since that happened and I have been getting pretty upset about the whole situation recently. I'm at the stage now where I'm going over every part of the relationship with a fine tooth comb, analysing and examining every little detail, deciding to myself where i could of been a better boyfriend etc. These such situations where I could have been better are increasing and I'm finding it more difficult to cope with it. When she told me not to contact her again, it sounded like she actually hated me. How the fuck has that happened ? I keep asking myself that question. There are times where i just feel like flying home and suprising her at her front door, just to see that beautiful face of hers again.

I really want to respect her wishes with regards to me not contacting her, but there is nothing I would prefer to do at this moment than to speak to her again, she deleted me off her friend list on facebook which i suppose is a significant sign of her determination not to speak to me. I still have her email address and I may send her an email over the coming days. I really want to know how she is getting on.

ANYWAY, enough of that, I made it to Australia and I am absolutely loving it here, it is very easy to see why people emigrate from Ireland to Australia and never return. The culture that they have here is very laid back from what I have seen. Noone is in a rush and people here are extremely friendly. The weather has been pretty good for the past 2 weeks, it has mostly been sunny and hot with the odd rain shower here and there. Today is the last day of summer which is fine by me because i would actually prefer it to get a few degrees cooler. For the past 2 weeks I have been basically making new friends and partying alot, which is fine by me. I have spent a ridiculous amount of money in the past 2 weeks so my current lifestyle may have to change a bit! I begin lectures tomorrow morning and I have no idea what to expect, it should be interesting to say the least. There are one or two moments where i do get a bit down mainly to the reason i explained at the beginning of this post and also due to the fact that I am out of my comfort zone, its quite difficult to get some privacy in the accomodation which I live in but I'm sure i will grow used to that eventually.

Also, i failed one of my christmas exams, believe it or not, it wasn't chemistry, it was some stupid assignment i completed in December which was worth 100% of the module, however I will more than likely be able to compensate it if i pass all my exams here in UOW so hopefully I will have a summer that is free of repeat exams!

I went to Mardi Gras in Sydney last night, it was absolutely awesome. However it is not the traditional American Mardi Gras that you would find in New Orleans, it is basically a gay pride parade. I have pictures up on my facebook if any of you want to see them. I got to see my cousin yesterday too which was awesome, it was great to catch up. I still haven't seen my brother yet but he is planning to come up the weekend after next so hopefully that will happen!

I can't think of much else to say at the moment, i got a good feeling that I will keep this "Oz Blog" up to date.

Hope everyone is well.

Sean

P.S The picture attached is a view of Wollongong which is the city where I am living :)

2009: Year in Review

I've been meaning to write this blog post for a few weeks now. I thought it would be a good idea to look back on 2009 from a personal point of view and to be able to analyse it completely. I think it will be quite interesting to read the posts that i wrote throughout 2009 and then to be able to read this review to see how those events affected me or potentially change me in any way.

Here goes....

I suppose the beginning of the year was quite a busy one, finishing up working in River Island, exams looming and then the hiccup that occured between one the closest groups of friends. I will try to analyse each of these seperately.

First of all, I enjoyed working in River Island even if I complained about it alot, it gave me a sense of accomplishment that I was earning my own money and not relying on a particular individual. I was quite dissapointed not to be kept on but I suppose it was a blessing in disguise considering the exams I had to sit and how busy I was with college in the coming months.

With regards to those exams I sat in January, I failed one marginally and was quite upset at the time because the thought of doing another repeat in the Summer was unbearable. However at the time I soon found out that if I passed all of my summer exams then I would be able to pass the failed exam on compensation, a glimmer of hope you could call it.

Looking back on the incident between my friends which is documented in the post "Hate to be the bearer of bad news", I'm quite happy to say that my relationship between the people involved is alot better than I forecasted at the time when the whole incident occured. It has come to my knowledge that some of the information in that post is incorrect, however, I don't think I will change it because it will take away from the emotions I was feeling at the time and I feel that it is important to be able to look back and see how I was feeling accurately. Like I said, right now, things are pretty good with those friends, well my relationship is anyway, I've regained trust in my best friend and I have forgiven him for what he did to me and my other friend. My two friend's (males) relationship with each other may never be the same again but luckily enough that doesn't affect me too much.

I suppose the next major thing that happened in that year was organising my summer trip to NewYork, it was definetly something to look forward too. I was quite excited about it and it was good to have something like that when college was so stressful. Anyway, the trip didn't last as long as I would of hoped due to me having to come home to repeat 2 exams (the one i failed at xmas and the other in may). I feel that trip helped me accomplish a number of personal goals which included getting over my ex (which I am glad to say is completely and utterly in the past), finding out if I could go to a foreign country and major city for a sustained period of time and be able to live and work comfortably. Overall it gave me the confidence that I could travel anywhere and be happy.

I came home in July and quickly immersed myself into studying for my repeats which had alot riding on them, especially my study abroad programme to Australia. Luckily enough I passed them both. 3rd year in college has been quite difficult and a huge step up from my previous years. Im glad to say that I perhaps I have finally overcome my constant procastination with regards to college work. There has been so much continious assessment, lab reports and assignments to be done every week this Semester. I feel this constant college work is giving me more confidence to apply the same attitude to studying for exams. I currently have 3 exams which begin on the 20th of January, I plan to study every single day and hopefully it will be enough to pass them comfortably.

Last but not least, I have a girlfriend!

I first met this person on the day i came back from New York. Her best friend from college is my best friends girlfriend. So she was spending time with her best friend for a few days during the summer. I noticed her straight away, and was quite impressed with her, even if we only had a brief conversation that day. However, she was currently in a relationship at the time so there was no chance there at the time. We encountered each other once again during the summer on a drunken venture to the seaside town of Lahinch. The night basically involved alot of vodka, embarrasing confessions and skinny dipping. Quite fun to say the least. Anyway after night I was quite obsessed with her and couldn't get her out of my head. However she was still in the same relationship at the time. My best friend's girlfriend did tell me that she though I was good looking and that her relationship with her then current boyfriend wasn't the best. This gave me a sense of hope and excitement. Anyway, at the beginning of Semester 1, she broke up with her boyfriend and we decided to go on a "date", however it was simply masked as an excuse to give her cardigan back after she went to a house party in my house, I saw through the plan straight away! Anyway, the date went well, even if i did become a bumbling fool, there was an awkward kiss at the end of the night and through the coming weeks we spent more time with each other.

Quite soon after that we decided that we should go out with each other even though we both knew that I was going to Australia for 6 months in Febuary. It just felt like the right thing to do at the time, and im so glad to this day that we decided to go out with each other. It has been a pretty amazing few months, it will be 3 months together by the time 20th of January rolls around. She is beautiful, intelligent, caring and has an incredible sense of humour. We mutually decided that we would break up before I leave to Australia, ideally its not the situation we both want to find each other in but I honestly believe it is the fairest thing to do for both of us. We havent made any promises about what is going to happen when I get back. Which again, I think is the fairest thing to do. Anything could happen when I come back, we could get back together, or we could not. However I feel one of my ethos is "If its meant to be its meant to be", it does seem to be a cliché of sorts but I believe it to be true. Alot can happen in 6 months but very little could occur also, so it will be interesting to see what happens when I come back. Overall, I am so glad i met this girl, she has made my life so much better in the past few months and it is great to have someone who cares so much about me and to have someone to care about. There is no doubt about it, I will miss her when I leave.

In conclusion, this year has been a year of ups and downs. Though, it has been a huge improvement on 2008, I feel that I am a stronger and happier person after 2009 and I hope this trend continues in 2010. I will be writing a preview on 2010 soon.

Hope everyone had a great Christmas and I would like to wish everyone (if anyone) a happy new year for 2010.

Goodnight.

Ireland V France........The Aftermath.

Ok....its been a solid 72 hours since Thierry "Le Thief" Henry single handedly (excuse the pun) expect more :) denied the Republic of Ireland entry to the 2010 World Cup in South Africa. Now, the Irish media have gone bananas since that eventful night in Paris, some of the media coverage has been fair and the rest not so fair I think.

Overall, with 100% honesty, I do not think the match should be replayed (awaits abuse). Things like this happen in football, everyday, in every country and at every different level. It was just extremely unfortunate and heartbreaking that it happened to our little country who battled so bravely (and actually played very well) in those 120 minutes in Paris. Now, I am as disgusted and upset as the next Irish person or neutral football fan about this, however if this match was replayed, it would cause absolute chaos to the game. Every match played which had a similar incident would be asked to be replayed and this simply cannot happen. FIFA will not let this happen and they are well justified in that. However, what should happen is the introduction of video technology into the game of football. The fact that this route has not even been begun at a smaller level is unbelivable. Uefa currently have an extra official behind each goal for all of the Europa League games, why hasn't this process begun years ago? It is a very simple thing, and i cant see it being complicated in any way. If there was an extra official behind that goal on wednesday night, Thierry Henry's double handball would of been seen, (or would it? *Cough*Sepp Blatter *Cough*) though that is another debate in its entirety and i wont be going into that now.
Alot of people against video technology in football argue that it would disrupt the flow of our beatufiul game and that it cannot be compared to other sports where video technology is present such as Rugby, Cricket and Tennis. I think this argument is ridiculous, it takes a maximum of 45 seconds for TMO(Television Match Official) decision to be made in rugby, and about 30 seconds for such a decision to be made in Cricket and Tennis. Ok, a football match could become a bit of a farce if these decisions had to be made every few minutes which is why they should introduce a maximum of maybe 3 protests per manager or captain of the team. Each team should only be allowed to make a protest 3 times per game. This will make the game less desruptive. It is a simple idea really, and it baffles me why FIFA have not introduced this yet.....

This post was actually meant to be more about the Irish football team but i guess i got a little bit sidetracked, however i will make a post about that in due course.

Most importantly, I would like to congratulate the Irish team for giving an absolutely wonderful and warrior like performance over the two playoff matches in France. There were the better team over 210 minutes of football, the two goals which we conceded were a goal which was a deflection and a goal which never should of been. Its tough to take, but I think the Irish team can become stronger after this and I look forward to the Euro 2012 qualification campaign.

....and who said football was a beautiful game?

Long Time No Speak!

Its been ages since i've wrote in this blog and I think its about time I updated this thing. So, my last blog entry was around my 3rd week in New York, lets see if I can fill in everything that has been going on since then. Stayed in New York for another 3 weeks after that blog entry, so 6 weeks in total. Two of the final 3 weeks involved working my ass off for Frito Lay, who are some company in the US who make snacks, basically I was lifting that shit onto trucks for 6 hours straight in the unbelivable heat, it was pretty tough but I really enjoyed my time there. I met so many crazy people in that place and they all loved the fact that we were Irish! Which meant major tips! I was easily living off the tips I was making which mean i could save the money which I earned from my wages. I soon found out that I failed one of my summer exams from college, which was a serious kick in the testicles, I soon had to book a flight home for around the middle of July. On my last day of work, they offered myself and a friend a job for the summer, which unfortunately I had to turn down because I had to return home to study. My last week in NewYork was brilliant, I saw all the sights, hung around the hostel and made loads of great friends. Pretty much partyed everynight and had the time of my life! I was only in NewYork for 6 weeks but it honestly felt like 6 months, I expected everything to be different when i got home, but everything was the same (including the weather) and i soon hit a bit of downer, mainly because i missed NewYork and that I had to study for exams.

Anyway, I didn't study (suprise,suprise) and I spent most of my time just going out and hanging out with friends when I should of had my head in the books. Anyway, eventually the exams were soon approaching and I did what I have always done in the past.....cram like i've never crammed before! I did the exams, one went very well, and the other I was nervous about. What sucked the most was that i had to wait another month for these results to come out and I soon found myself in limbo, I had no idea what was going to happen, all of my friends were moving on into the next years of their study and looking forward to what was lying ahead but here I was not know what I was going to be doing. It was a pretty crappy time, so I was literally just playing the waiting game!

Luckily enough I passed my repeats! (just about) and I was going into 3rd year, I was absolutely delighted! And i couldnt wait to get back to college and see the lads again! I eventually moved into the same apartment complex that I was in last year and moved in with one of the lads in my class so things are pretty sweet. On the academic side of things, 3RD YEAR IS HAAARD! Really hard! Labs are a total and utter bitch! So much work has to be done for them, I already failed one lab report, and I doubt things are looking too good for my second one! Anyway, serious work has to be done for these things and hopefully I will up my game in the coming weeks! I'm going on a 5 day field trip to cornwall next week with my class, its going to be crazy, I cannot wait! And it seems to be full steam ahead in terms of my australian trip, im likely to be heading off down under at the end of January, currently in the process of applications,visas,accomodation, flights etc, so hopefully all that stuff will get sorted in the coming weeks.

On another note, love life has taken a bit of a twist in the past 2 months or so. Just around my repeats I met this girl who was a friend of my cousins, it was pretty cool, we hit it off, i liked her but their seemed to be a bit of reluctance on her part so i sort of kept my distance in the weeks after that. We met up a good few times, had a laugh but i soon realised that I only really saw her as a friend and I think she realised that. Funny thing is, I think she wants something a little more serious but unfortunately its just not the way I see her and all I want to be is friends with her now. Anyway, another recent development would be this girl who is friends with my best friends girlfriend. I remember noticing her during the summer when I saw her once or twice. She was in a relationship at the time so I soon put that thought to the side. However, recently she came out of that relationship and my best friends gf kept hinting that i should text her and see what happens. I did and I must admit Im very glad i made that decision, we have met up a few times and I must say I really like this girl. I have such a laugh with her, and its just really laid back and fun. We have alot of common and things just seem so easy with her, there arent any awkward silences, there is no struggling to think of something to say, it all comes naturally which is great! Its early days yet but I am very happy that I have met this person, it will be interesting to see what happens in the coming weeks.

Hmmmmm, I think that pretty much everything, oh wait, now i rememeber!
During the summer my best friend's relationship ended with the girl he had been going out with for two years, this came as a complete shock to me and an even bigger shock to him it has to be said. This whole thing has been well documented in his blog so I will not go into too much detail. But at the time I think i did my best to help him through it, considering he has been there so much for me in the past. He has very recently just met someone else and im very happy for him and Im glad that he is getting through it as I know how bad it can get once you exit such a long relationship(as you probably all know if you read this blog)

Anyway, I think that is pretty much everything, I say this everytime i finish a blog post that Im going to update it more but I promise I will this time ;)

Anywho, im currently sitting in my apartment listening to bloc party and just chilling. Times are pretty good right now I must say!

Till' next time!

Sean.

USA Update

Well it has been 3 weeks since i first arrived in new york and so much has happened, i will do my best to get it all down in this post but due to my inevitable lazyness it may not happen!

Anyway I spent my first week in NewYork staying in a hostel in Manhattan very near to times square, the first day or two were pretty exciting, seeing all the tall buildings and lights is a memory i wont forget. However it didnt take long before reality kicked in and that i had to fulfill my obligations to this J1 which includes finding a job and permanent accomodation. Myself and two others decided to look for accomodation before we got jobs so we would have an idea where to look for jobs which would be near our accomodation. Originally we wanted to live in Long Beach which is in Long Island. We went to view an apartment out there but the apartment turned out to be a shithole with holes in the walls and no furniture and we soon found out that the landlord was not interested in a short term lease. We then went to view an apartment in Maspeth which is in Queens, this places is a very Irish area, with loads of Irish pubs and shops so we thought it would be a very cool place to live. The apartment was great and was exactly what we wanted but unfortunately we ended up not getting it because we had no jobs at that time and the landlord thought it would be too much of a risk for her to give us the apartment.

After the first week, we moved out to a hostel in Bushwick (East Williamsburg) which is in Brooklyn (I'm still here now). On that day myself and one of the guys went out to New Rochelle in Westchester to view an apartment which had a really cool landlord who we got on with very well, however we never heard back from him after that so obviously the fact that we had no jobs at that time meant that he didnt want us to have the apartment. This was becoming a real problem and one of the guys in our group soon decided that he was sick of the whole job/house hunting thing and soon booked his flight home two weeks from then. This put me and my other friend in an even more difficult position because we now had 1 less for an apartment and we would more than likely have to more more rent. We soon decided that it would be better to find a job before we get accomodation. So myself and my friend literally went into every store in Soho applying for jobs but to no avail, we may have been a bit naive as many of these stores take in applications even if they are not hiring, plus the fact that there are probably hundreds of people every day handing in resume's into these stores. We didnt hear anything back from these stores and it was at this stage that things began to look pretty hopeless. I began to give up hope but my friend said we should have one last throw of the dice so we decided to try an employment agency in manhattan to see if they could hook us up with some work. They said they would be able to get us work and i started my new job yesterday. The jobs is only for two weeks but it will definetley mean i will be able to stay in new york longer and have a good time.

I should say that during the time i have been in NewYork i began to get obsessed (again) about my ex. Im sure that anyone who reads must be thinking that i should be getting over this by now. I even sent her an email asking how she is. It made me feel even worse because in the hostel im staying in at the moment there are loads of really cool and hot women that i wasnt even close to getting in with. However, last saturday this girl arrived, i introduced myself as i do to most newcomers in this hostel and we hit it off, she was a really good looking, fun girl and i soon decided that i should definetly pursue this girl. Eventually one thing led to another and we had sex, which was the first time i have been with another girl since my ex girlfriend. Its been about 3 days since that happened and i must admit that i feel so much better about myself. I know that may sound a bit stupid but it just gave me back the confidence that i have been lacking in the past 12 months or so.

So right now, its a tuesday night and i have work in the morning. Im really loving this hostel which im staying in because i have met so many cool and fascinting people and this is something that i have always wanted. I do miss home and sometimes i still feel like going home because i do get sick of New York sometimes, however on an overall scale i know i would rather be here than back home sitting on my ass doing nothing and feeling sorry for myself.

Another thing to say is that my exam results are out next week, im pretty sure i havent wrote anything about them in this blog but i think that i failed one of them which means i would have to come home early to repeat the exam or exams in august which would suck so much. Anyway, all will be revealed soon.

There is probably alot more that i have forgotten to write about but ill do my best to update this thing soon again.

Sean.

Start Spreading The News.........

In about 20 days time, I will be in the Big Apple or the "Windy Apple" as my good friend put it to me last weekend. I must admit I'm pretty excited because i have absolutely no idea how its going to work out. As of yet, i still dont know where i will be sleeping on the night of June 1st (I really should get that sorted), I have no idea if will get a job, I have no idea if I will love or hate NYC and to be perfectly honest I don't give a damn. For a long while now I've always wanted to have everything planned out, its gives me a sense of security that everything will be fine, but fuck it, in my opinion life is about taking risks, going with the flow, and appreciating everything around you and to be thankfull for what you have in life. This actually makes me think about a blog post of one of my closest friends. He posed the question whether it is a bad thing to try and look at the world true a child's eyes, with wonder, excitement, innocence and curiosity. I must admit its quite difficult to do that, especially when there are strong stereotypes out there which put pressure on you to follow. Im not saying there is anything wrong with following these stereotypes if it is what a person wants, I'm doing my best to break free from these as i feel they dont suit me and the more i try to fulfill these obligations, the more unhappy and uncomfortable I feel.
I got quite worried last week. I spent the week in Limerick and it was nice to catch up with my friends. 3 of my friends I had noticed all seem to have everything planned and everything working out for them. They are all doing well in college, 2 of them are well on the road to becoming teachers, and the other seems to have a guaranteed successful career in the art industry due to his many talents. Another thing, they are all in very strong relationships. Now it's a strange feeling when you find yourself in a position that you are on a completely different path from your 3 closest friends.....It was this time two years ago that we were all in the same boat, facing the biggest exams of our lives. Oh how times have changed. I'm currently not in a job, im not doing very well in college, im not in a relationship and i have absolutely no idea what I want to do with my life..... This scared me alot and it still does. I've already stated in this post that i should not give a damn about these things but alas, its difficult to ignore and I'm hoping that my future travels will ease these fears.

I have a busy 20 days or so before I go to New York, i have to study and try and pass 3 exams. I have to somehow figure out how im going to clean my apartment, get my deposit back, get my deposit back for my car park space, pack for a 3 month trip in the space of 36 hours. The day and a half before i go to NY, my last exam is saturday morning, i leave for NY the following monday morning. To be honest I dont like thinking about that because i know how chaotic that day and a half will be. But it will all be worth it when I'm looking across that Manhattan skyline at night.

Good Night.

Difficult to comprehend.....

What would you answer if someone asked you what is the number 1 cause of death in Ireland for young adults? Traffic accidents? Cancer? Drug abuse? None of these answers is correct. In fact the answer is suicide. Unfortunately in Ireland, it is a serious problem. Ireland has the highest rate of suicide in Europe. It is such a huge problem and unfortunately it remains a subject in this country that people don't want to talk about or to address. When people hear about suicide, they think for a moment that its such a shame and then they quickly move on in their lives because the subject is so sensitive and thought provoking that noone wants to dwell on it.

Unfortunately for people who are affected by suicide, they cannot do this, they cannot simply forget about it, its something that will be with them forever, impossible to brush under the carpet.

I found out last night from my emotional father, that my cousins boyfriends little sister killed herself last monday.

I always spend time with my cousins and the boyfriend in question is pretty much apart of that family as he has been going out with my cousin for at least 5 years. I know him very well. I met her little sister a few times from what i can remember, and she was good friends with my youngest cousins in the same family.

She was only 13 years old, she had her whole life ahead of her, her parents found her hanging in her wardrobe one morning when they were calling her for school. What must go through a young girls head that would lead her to this decision. The mind boggles. That family and my cousins' life have been turned upside down. I havent spoken to any of them yet, and when i do i truly do not know what to say, there is nothing i can do to help, nothing anyone can do. At least if it was a death from an illnes it may be easier to handle. But this.....this is going to change thier lives forever, and i cant even begin to comprehend what they must be going through right now. There are going to be so many questions running through that families mind that will never be answered......

I really dont know what to do and I dont think there is much i can do besides to pray to god to take care of that family and to try and prevent this tragedy to fall on any other family.

Thats all i really have to say on that, and i dont think there is much else to say.

RIP.