In about 20 days time, I will be in the Big Apple or the "Windy Apple" as my good friend put it to me last weekend. I must admit I'm pretty excited because i have absolutely no idea how its going to work out. As of yet, i still dont know where i will be sleeping on the night of June 1st (I really should get that sorted), I have no idea if will get a job, I have no idea if I will love or hate NYC and to be perfectly honest I don't give a damn. For a long while now I've always wanted to have everything planned out, its gives me a sense of security that everything will be fine, but fuck it, in my opinion life is about taking risks, going with the flow, and appreciating everything around you and to be thankfull for what you have in life. This actually makes me think about a blog post of one of my closest friends. He posed the question whether it is a bad thing to try and look at the world true a child's eyes, with wonder, excitement, innocence and curiosity. I must admit its quite difficult to do that, especially when there are strong stereotypes out there which put pressure on you to follow. Im not saying there is anything wrong with following these stereotypes if it is what a person wants, I'm doing my best to break free from these as i feel they dont suit me and the more i try to fulfill these obligations, the more unhappy and uncomfortable I feel.
I got quite worried last week. I spent the week in Limerick and it was nice to catch up with my friends. 3 of my friends I had noticed all seem to have everything planned and everything working out for them. They are all doing well in college, 2 of them are well on the road to becoming teachers, and the other seems to have a guaranteed successful career in the art industry due to his many talents. Another thing, they are all in very strong relationships. Now it's a strange feeling when you find yourself in a position that you are on a completely different path from your 3 closest friends.....It was this time two years ago that we were all in the same boat, facing the biggest exams of our lives. Oh how times have changed. I'm currently not in a job, im not doing very well in college, im not in a relationship and i have absolutely no idea what I want to do with my life..... This scared me alot and it still does. I've already stated in this post that i should not give a damn about these things but alas, its difficult to ignore and I'm hoping that my future travels will ease these fears.
I have a busy 20 days or so before I go to New York, i have to study and try and pass 3 exams. I have to somehow figure out how im going to clean my apartment, get my deposit back, get my deposit back for my car park space, pack for a 3 month trip in the space of 36 hours. The day and a half before i go to NY, my last exam is saturday morning, i leave for NY the following monday morning. To be honest I dont like thinking about that because i know how chaotic that day and a half will be. But it will all be worth it when I'm looking across that Manhattan skyline at night.
Good Night.
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