Exam Update : 3 down, 2 to go.

Just thought I'd give people an update on how my exams are going so far.

First one was Atmospheric and Aquatic Chemistry. I can't say it went well. I thought I was well enough prepared to pass it easily, unfortunately I was quite mistaken. The paper was a bitch. Questions which I have never even seen before appeared. Saying that, I may have scraped a pass.

Second exam was Applied Anatomy and Physiology. That went swimmingly! Same old questions like every year and should be in the 70+ region.

Had Meteorology today. Again it was pretty much the same questions, but due to the difficulty and vagueness of those questions I doubt I will get in the 70+ region, probably over 60% anyway.

Two more exams left. Sociology of Health on Saturday and then Atmospheric Physics on Tuesday. I'm taking a night off tonight, go to bed early, sleep in a bit, and be nice and fresh tomorrow for study. The last two exams should be ok, as long as i get my head down and study everything will be A OK.

One thing which is making me feel better about the first exams is that if i get a 55% average in the rest of my exams then i will pass by compensation in my first exam, as long as that exam was in the region of 35-39%.

Anyway I better hit the hay.

Later .

New Breath Of Life.

Its funny how one moment, one thought that goes through your head could potentially change your life.

All my life I feel that I haven't achieved my full potential, or achieve what i always wanted to achieve.
I go to bed at night thinking of a better me, a person who is fulfilling all his dreams. It makes me smile. It makes me feel better. It takes me to sleep.

It may sound silly, or even obvious, but I really only realised now that if you want something done, if you want to change yourself, if you want to be a happier and better person you must take the initiative. Your must take the chance, you HAVE to. Nobody else is going to do it for you. Its not going to happen by chance, your not going to wake up one morning and be a different person. I suppose you could say its sad that it has taken me 19 years to realise this.

I want to be better, I want to look different, I want to be fitter, I want to quit smoking, I want a better life. I cannot wait around for this to happen. I cannot pray to god for this, he isnt going to do it for me, i have to do it.

I need to take more risks, with every aspect in my life. If I keep going the way im going, im going to become more unhealthy, fat, ugly, get through my degree with the lowest possible achievments, get a shit job, stay in this crappy country and be unhappy forever.

I cannot let this happen. I must break from my mould, I need to try new things and stop letting my life pass me by.

Im not saying tomorrow morning i'm going to go to the gym, quit smoking, buy new clothes, study and take up guitar. Its not going to happen that fast. I just hope this realisation of what my life has been up to this point will give me a wake up call. I will change, I must change and I look forward to what I will become and what I will achieve. You only have one life. Why waste it. There is too much out there to do, too many different things to experience out there, I cannot miss any of these things. Im not going to let my life become the same as everyone elses. Get a job, get a girlfriend, get engaged, get married, buy a house, have kids. I only have two words for this, Fuck That.

I've always wanted a new breath of life and I think I've just found it.

Hate to be the Bearer of Bad News.......

So anyway as i was saying from my previous post, I came home to Limerick on New Years Day. It was really good to be back but unfortunately i was given some news which sort of fucked up my triumphant return to my home city. Anyway i suppose i can start of saying that i have two really good friends (I will call them John and Frank) for confidentiality purposes. They were also best friends with each other. Now Frank had be going out with this girl called Nikki for nearly over a year. Frank went abroad for his studies back in in August and his relationship with Nikki was on the rocks, however they still werent broken up. Now this is where John comes into the equation. I knew from back in the summer that John and Nikki had made out with each other on a drunken night out. I was pissed off about this but i didnt hold a grudge too long against John because i have done some shit like that in my past so i would be a hypocrite if held a grudge too long. Anyway when i got back to Limerick, I met up with John and he told me the news. He was now going out with Nikki. I thought this was strange, and i was angry at him for doing this to Frank but apparently he is in love....I went home after that and mulled over the new situation .

I got a call from Frank that night. He knew about the situation too and he told me some horrible news which John decided to leave out. Basically John and Nikki have been fucking each other for the past few months, and it didnt suprise me because i always knew that there was something going on between them two. Now they were doing this even when Frank and Nikki were still doing stuff together. Frank is heartbroken of course. And the way he found out about this would make you even feel more sorry for the guy. He was sleeping over in Johns house after a night out. Frank wasnt able to sleep so he decided to flick through Johns college notes, unfortunately they werent college notes. They were love letters from Nikki and pretty explicit ones at that. Frank then rang Nikki told her the truth was out and then proceeded to kick the shit out of John. Go Frank!

As you would imagine, this is extremely fucked up and now i then received even more information which would make you hate John even more. While i was on the phone to Frank discussing all the events, he suddenly said "Sean, man... I really have to tell you something and im so sorry that i didnt tell you sooner...."My heart began to race. He then told me that John had made out with my ex girlfriend.....you know...the one im still in love with it, the one who i dedicated a whole post to in this blog! This happened about 2 weeks after i broke up with her and i was in dublin for college. I couldnt even decribe to you how i was feeling. My heart wouldnt stop pounding, i struggled to breathe, i was awash with rage. I felt so betrayed, by both of them, by John and my ex.

It was a strange situation. John, the guy i would regard as my best friend for the past 6 years, little innocent John, the guy who wouldnt hurt a fly. What baffles me about this whole situation is that i just could never imagine doing anything like this, to me or to Frank. I can honestly say i never felt so bad and betrayed in a long time, i can only imagine how Frank is feeling.....

I met up with John the day after, he told me that he was so sorry, he was going to tell me, he was really drunk, yada yada yada.......
I didnt kick the shit out of him, i wouldnt waste my energy on that piece of shit. I still hung out with him that week, i know you may be thinking what the hell, but let me explain.

There is something about this guy I still love, Frank feels the same. As much of this guy has betrayed us, there is naturally a part of us that still love the guy. However i can admit that it wasnt the same when i was hanging out with him, anytime i thought of his tongue down my ex's throat i was tempted to start strangling him.

Anyway i couldnt concentrate on anything that week, i was meant to be studying, but i was so down about everything, what happened to me, what happened to frank, what has happened to my ex and what kind of person she is becoming. I just couldnt get any of these things out of my mind. I had to get back to Dublin and i did. Came back last sunday and im glad. It hasnt been on my mind as much but it still lingers.

I have more important things to be worrying about anyway. Exams.

My exams should go okay. Even though i feel very under prepared for them . I have put alot of study into them all this week but i think its too little too late. Anyway we will see. They start on tuesday and if the first one goes well then all will be good (hopefully).

I have alot to look forward to in the next couple of months. Going to New York, seeing my brother in New Zealand. Things which should encourage me to study and get my head down but alas here i am on the internet dossing!

Till next time.

Happy Xmas and New Year to everyone!

Again i would like to apoligise for the lack of blogging that has been going on with me in the past few weeks. As you can imagine one can be very busy over the xmas period.

Anywho i just thought i would give an update on what has been happening in the past few weeks.

Basically from the end of November to the 3oth of December my life has been consumed by job in River Island. They basically threw hours at me and there were very few days in that time period that i had off work.
Its difficult to sum up my job there as it had its good days and its bad days. I ended up working behind the tills in the womens section (busier than Mens you could imagine) and for all that time it was pretty stressful. Im glad i was working there though as i was constantly kept busy and the time in there really did fly compared to previous jobs i have had. Anyway the people in there were pretty hit and miss. Some people were sound and some people were absolute wank stains.
Nearly all the guys who work there are gay and they are all really sound bar one who happens to be the biggest bitch on the planet and we are talking queen B material.

Now we had a staff party the saturday before xmas. I wasnt even going to go due to my inevitable shyness and the fact that i knew people there but i didnt really know them well . Eventually i said fuck it. im going to go, what did i have to lose anyway? Took me 2 buses and alot of avoiding eye contact with scumbags and junkies to get there. I walked in to the party to see people all enjoying themselves in there own little groups and immediately i felt shy and awkward. So what did i do in this situation? Went straight to the bar and i probably had 3 pints in the space of 30 minutes to ease the nerves. Eventually two guys i work with who are also christmas temps like me arrived and we ended up hanging out for the night and having a great time. It was turning out to be a great night! Anyway from what i can remember, there was this girl giving me some serious attention on the dancefloor which didnt bother me at all! So i ended up chatting her up and giving her a kiss and basically looking like i was with her. Now at this point i didnt realise that nearly everyone who works in RI loves a bit of gossip and its basically like a mini soap opera in there. Unfortunately this wasnt going through my mind at the time.

I went home anyway, paid a substantial amount of money for a taxi and hit the hay. I had work at 10am the next morning and i ended up being late and driving there whilst still intoxicated, seriously bad move but hey i was hungover and had no way to work. Got there and had the longest day of work in my life thus far, it was just horrible. Through that day i had colleagues filling me in of my actions the night before and always pointing out that i was with this girl which they thought was hilarious. Unfortunately for me i couldnt remember what this girl looked like so i for all i know she could of been in the room where everyone else was slagging me off!
Ah just another good night out for Sean!

Basically the following week this one guy who works in RI who like i said is a total little bitch ended up telling everyone about it, even the managers! Id actually love to deck the little pansy fuck but it would probably just cause more trouble than it would be worth.

Overall it was a decent enough job, got on well with most people but the only thing about it is that nearly everyone who works there are still in secondary school and are all nearly 17 years of age. This actually makes the place difficult to endure as it just constant gossip and bitching and hassle!
Anyway i didnt get kept on, apparently one of the managers had me on her list of the people she wanted to keep on but unfortunately the way things panned out they couldnt give me enough hours. Ah well.

So my xmas basically consisted of working in that place, with the odd spell of drinking and eating.

Back in Limerick now for the first time since late October/early November. I must say its good to be home but unfortunately i had alot of news coming my way which has actually turned my little world upside down.

All will be explained in the next post!

Till Next Time.